BOING: Stupid is as stupid does

“Terrell Owens is the Jesus Christ of the NFL.”

“Mark McGuire never did steroids.”

“Can I get an enchilada without cheese?”

Indeed, there have been some instances where I may have muttered a word or two slightly below the academic norm – stupid, if you will.

According to Emily Donahue: “Every word that comes out of your mouth.”

Considering she graduated high school a year after I did, went to Gonzaga and will graduate with her bachelor’s degree around the same I’ll walk away with my associates, once again my younger sister is probably right.

OK, she’s definitely right. How do I know this? Because when I take a deep, long look at my published past, I cringe when I see the printed text my high school allowed me to publicly proclaim four years ago:

“Female-athlete is an oxymoron.”

Oh, God.

I still remember that basketball chick hurling a women’s-sized ball towards my head (which, upon impact, really didn’t hurt that bad – after all, women use smaller balls…).

But honestly, I truly do appreciate the game of women’s basketball. And I’m not going to lie; I’ve been updating my ever-growing women’s basketball repertoire almost daily these days.

After what’s-her-name dunked for that one school in the women’s NCAA bracket last month, I must admit I took a step back and absorbed the SportsCenter highlight more than once (names and schools need not matter – they just take away from the fact that a woman “dunked”).

How could this be? How could a woman do something that was once considered a man-only feat?

Upon asking myself that very question, I was taken aback as a blood rush to the head caused me to sit while I pondered of memories past:

How could Amelia Earhardt fly across the ocean? Why, in all of God’s green earth, would the PGA allow a woman to golf in a man’s tournament?

The answer is simple: Because women are capable of everything a man can do (save for whiz standing up or throw down a 22-second keg stand. Then again, if you’ve ever seen a sorority bachelorette party… never mind).

So, really, the greatest thing a woman possibly could do for the sport of basketball is, well, dunk!

It brings new life to a lackluster sport, where the stadiums were hardly full before and network sponsors were minimal. This newer, younger generation of the WNBA is going to throw more high-profile women on the court and more fans in the stands.

And I’m not being facetious: I really do wish well for women’s hoops. In fact, I can wholeheartedly admit that after my uncle forced me to watch the women’s Final Four a few weeks ago, I was somewhat perplexed.

Yes, women’s basketball is a far cry from anything like the men – it reminded me of a high school game where there’s more passing and most shots bounce off the back of the rim – yet calling it more fundamentally sound is dead on.

Not to mention they play with more passion than men.

If you agree with the rest of America that there is more heart in the NCAA than there is money in the NBA, remember that women have far less to look forward to in the pros than do men – where even though they’re going to be playing with the best women in the world, they won’t even make a quarter of the money their male counterparts will make.

So to say women have more heart than men is incredibly justified – more women than men will play their last games in college.

Needless to say, when Tennessee’s Candace Parker twice soared toward the hoop against Army in the first round of this year’s women’s NCAA tournament for the first “slam dunk” in collegiate women’s history (mostly dunk, not so much slam…), it didn’t just bring new life to a once pitiful sport, it threw the WNBA draft into the national spotlight last week.

And once people get excited about the draft, they’ll be stoked as soon as the season starts – I know that I’ve already circled May 23 to see LSU’s Seimone Augustus (the first player picked in the WNBA draft by the Minnesota Lynx) take on the pretty good-looking Debbie Merrill (Ohio State University) and her Connecticut Sun on ESPN2.

But I’m not just in it for good-looking women. Lord knows they’re few and far between in the WNBA.

When I want to see sexy women battle, that’s what women’s tennis is for.

Damn, that was stupid, wasn’t it? Chalk one up for Emily.

Can I get that cheeseless enchilada now?